no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
