i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize