can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
