I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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