Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
