I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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