Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
