I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Enjoy the penises
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
