I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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