i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
