and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
