You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
