woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
