Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
