There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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