You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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