if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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