why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
