If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
