she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
