the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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