He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
