He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
