Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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