I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
