Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
