I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
