When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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