Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
