Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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