I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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