i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
