we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
