8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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