she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
