I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
