I'm eating all of the evidence.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
