Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
