I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize