Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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