trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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