You just made me feel so damn special
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
