On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize