Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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