my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
