shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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