so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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