my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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