may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
