you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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