I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
