finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
