I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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