So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
