what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
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I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
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I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs