the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex