i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
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he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
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See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.