I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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