If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
about cumming, not toast
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.