Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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