I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
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Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
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If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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