I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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