Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
