At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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