How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
