you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
